Introducing a new blog called, Here Now
I’m not sure why, but when I switched blogging formats the other day, it occurred to me right after my first post, that I needed to change the title of the blog. Not only the title, but the whole focus. The old name, My Story Lives, didn’t fit anymore.
I wrote this text to explain it to my husband:
So
here now
is how
I want
to be.
PRESENT
in BEING
with no
ego.
So I could write a blog called
HERE NOW
and so it begins!
When I sat down to meditate this morning and looked up at the sky, it felt brand new to me! The blue was soft and powdery. I knew I had to do a painting to celebrate this blue and of course, the sun and the clouds too.
Sometimes I worry that I am going to do a painting and it will be awful. Or I’m going to ruin a painting -- but in the end, that's never true. As long as I keep pouring my heart and soul into the motion and love of painting, as long as I let the paint flow wherever it will go and just step out of the way, then everything turns out whole.
Notice I didn’t say good. In this blog, I want to step away from the dualistic notion of good and bad. I want to work toward the feeling of WHOLE.
With painting, it feels so easy. All I have to do is peel my sky blue yoga shirt over my shoulders and take off my navy blue yoga pants off and slip on my ancient painting clothes. Who knows what will happen then? It’s always a surprise.
Consider this:
A couple of years ago I found myself painting nothing but hearts. Large ones, small hearts, in gold and all kinds of colors. I painted them for most everyone I know. Anyone who asked, got one. Lots of people who didn’t ask. Got one too!
So here is the heart painting I did for my older daughter, Jocelyn:
It measures about two feet square and it hangs in her office at the South Boston Community Health Center.
BUT THIS IS WHAT I STARTED WITH WAY BACK WHEN:
I knew it wasn’t … done. Some time passed. I’m not sure how much. And then I painted the version I called “done.”
Now consider this: I wanted to do a heart painting for my daughter Lindsay too. Some time or other, I painted this:
It sat in my studio. It wasn’t bad. But it just wasn’t…done.
I didn’t give it much thought. For at least two years, it just sat.
Until a few weeks ago, after Lindsay had her first baby. An amazing little boy with the sweetest smile around.
Lindsay was over the moon. Completely smitten. She kept talking about how, because of baby Monte (who she calls Monte Moo), she felt like she was exploding with love.
Now it was time.
Oh how I wanted to paint something that would express this baby-inspired explosion of love.
Without thinking about it one morning recently, after meditating, I pulled that last painting out of the pile in my studio and I set it on the easel. Without thinking, I started painting hearts all over it. Purple. Yellow. Red. Green. Hearts of all sizes. I used a lot of thick paint, so it would cover.
When I stepped back from it, I thought,
“Oh dear God how dreadful this is.” My husband walked in and he confirmed the fact that it was just terrible. Not even worth a photograph.
If it were summertime, I would have taken it outdoors and hosed it down. But it was about 20 degrees and there was no going outside. I started to panic. I couldn’t leave the canvas looking so miserable.
And then it hit me. I’m not sure why, but I decided that I needed a roller. A roller that you would use to paint walls. I’d never used a roller to do a painting. Fortunately when I got downstairs to the corner of the basement where we keep wall paint, there was a clean roller just sitting there.
I brought it upstairs and began rolling the still wet painting. And this is what emerged:
It’s for Lindsay, and it’s called “Heavenly Hearts.” The canvas measures at least two feet square and it’s almost two inches thick. It will be expensive to mail. So we are going to try to carry it on board with us when we fly to Denver for the month of February.
It may be tricky.
But like painting, it will work out. It always works out if you just don’t think about it too much!